• Rae Williams

When it’s hard & it hurts

I remember being 13 and wishing so much to be an adult. I dreamt of living lavishly in New York or California. Being rich. Being happily taken and living with my man,with at least 2 dogs. And lots and lots of travel with bae and my best friends.

I’m 25, I’ve got the traveling part kind of down, I have a dog that lives in Maryland with my family and I live in New York but it’s certainly not lavish. My mind sometimes whispers that I have failed miserably at my own life plans, and if I listen long enough I will surely believe it and begin feeling sorry for myself. 

These feelings normally begin to creep up around the middle of October and into November. As the seasons change, I feel a bit more drained and tired than usual. I’m moodier, much more sensitive and closed off during the winter. All symptoms of what many other people experience known as seasonal depression, officially known as Seasonal Affective Disorder aka SAD. And honestly, just a part of living in the real world and being an adult. 

The last few weeks have been tough. From my sister getting seriously sick, to school work piling up, to getting back into dating, to realizing that dating in this generation is crazy, to just feeling overwhelmed in general about every little thing and not doing enough of what I truly love- it’s been rough and my mood has showed it. 

I’ve been off, and trying to fake like I’ve had it all together. Which is tiring. I needed this thanksgiving break more than I’d care to admit.

When life feels hard and it hurts,you have to intentionally, deliberately and consistently focus on what you are grateful for and the things that you do have and have accomplished. You have to take whatever steps necessary to get and keep your mind set on the good, that’s how I fight the negative. Which is why I’m so thankful to be spending a week in Maryland, with my family and just being able to be my goofy self and receive all of the love my family has to give me.

There’s nothing like having physical representations around of what I’m grateful for and to really be able to escape from the city hustle and bustle!💚

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